Tag: Leadership

Is your organization ready for change?

Curt ConklinLeave a comment

Almost every CEO has a moment where he points down at something in his company and asks, “why is that task there so damned difficult?” The answer to that “why” is almost always that he and his predecessors allowed it to happen.

But knowing something isn’t right is not enough to change it. Many of us have been part of failed technology implementations, watched change agents enthusiastically enter and then unceremoniously depart, and experienced consulting firms make a ton of noise while operational managers roll their eyes and do things the same old way.

Why is change so hard? Well, it is important to understand how dysfunction permeates in the first place. When a company is small, people just do things and everyone is cool. As companies grow, inefficient ad hoc systems develop around tasks that may allow them to be completed, but without design, consistency, or concern for efficiency. As a result, getting a ball from point A to point B in one department can be harder or just different in another department.  So, employees rely on something inherently human – interpersonal relationships. We engage our coworkers by seeking and doing favors. We build and spend personal capital. Work flows easily between friends and finds friction with everyone else. This naturally leads to cliques and departmentalism. This is a natural dynamic for people in groups and can work in a company as long as the place is stable.

But, oi, does it become a problem when a company is in growth or evolution mode. When new employees come in and want to make an impact, when the competition is taking advantage of a just out-of-reach opportunity, when clients are asking to have that week-long process reduced to an hour, the clamor for change can be distracting.

I think we all understand that enterprise solutions require effort from many disparate parts of the company (duh, it’s in the name), and that these changes often incur costs in one area that pay benefits in another.  Fixing things will likely require implementation of technology and automation, layoffs or hiring, new training, a focus on strict procedures when once there were none or conversely new authority for lower-level employees who previously had none, reduction of margins or product offerings. And even the firing of some clients. These things hurt, can cause disruption, and can send the wheels right off the train – if the foundation for change is not in place.

So, when is a company ready for change? Well, after 20 years of transformation management, dozens of successful transformations, and a few fails, I have devised a quick test to determine if a company is ready.  Simply put, successful change requires two of three criteria for foundational change. What are they? Ready? Here we go!

ONE – A solid transformational manager

This person will agnostically look at the problem, determine the possible solutions, and then be able to pick the one that will bring the most value to the Company. Of course, I am simplifying the design process, but that’s not the point of today’s post. This person will also work across the departments to make sure that everyone who is being asked to change their behavior understands and appreciates the changes before they are required. Again, I am simplifying the project management process, but this individual or team must be good at communicating shared common goals, and be willing to work, sleeves rolled up, with everyone in the company as a peer. I know l lot about this role, because this is what I do for a living.

TWO – Onboard VPs

The VP level department team is not dysfunctional. They respect and support the other managers at their level, they understand that things aren’t as good as they could be, they wish for improvement, they expect to be held accountable, and they accept that company-wide changes only work when managed independent of the associated departments. They also understand that increasing efficiency has a time and discomfort cost that each department – their department – will pay up front in return for benefits down the road. Ideally, these folks will not be territorial, but a little departmental pride is fine and unavoidable. What is important is that each one understands that the changes their group is making will benefit the whole company. It’s not the size of the slice; it’s the size of the pie that matters. A bigger pie means that ultimately everyone has more pizza. I really love that metaphor.

THREE – Executive Leadership

A CEO that is aligned and really wants to see his/her company run more efficiently. Transformation is disruptive. That is going to put strain on the executive. He/she will have to deal with interdepartmental friction, face tough revenue and expense choices, write unwanted checks, and get involved with project management in ways that he/she hasn’t been at their level. This is an important point. The transformation team may involve people from IT, accounting, and operations, but the project ownership must be independent of each department, else departmental loyalties will skew the outcome and ultimately derail the success of the project. Transformational projects must belong above the departments – and generally that means they belong to the CEO and C-Suite.

As I said, you need two of the above three. If you have a great transformation manager and an executive that wants this done, the CEO can force the middle managers to play ball and replace them if necessary. If the CEO and the VPs all agree that it needs to be done, they can make up for a poor transformation manager by assisting with design and buy in. And if the CEO hates change (multigenerational family-owned businesses), but the department heads know that something has to change, they can act as a buffer between the executive and the necessary disruption.

So, if your company is thinking about fixing all that is wrong, ask yourself if you have a CEO willing to lead the project, a team of departmental heads willing to share the friction even when the benefits are not even, and a transformation manager that will design the right solutions and work to ensure that everyone being asked to change believes they own that change.

As I have pointed out a few times above, this is a wild simplification, but the framework holds. If you have all three criteria, you are in great shape. If you have two, you stand a good chance of success, but if you only have one, you are better off spending that money on pizza.

#opentowork #transformation #chieftransformationofficer #businesstransformation #gethired #jobs#opentowork #transformation #chieftransformationofficer #businesstransformation #gethired #jobsearch #jobsearching #jobseekers #pizza #organizationalexcellenceearch #jobsearching #jobseekers #pizza #organizationalexcellence

End that interview STRONG with great final questions

Curt ConklinLeave a comment

Most of you reading this know that I am #opentowork after an illness. This is my fifth (or so) post sharing the challenges, lessons in positivity, and best practices that I have discovered along the way. In today’s article, I will offer some specific end-of-interview questions that will ensure candidates are remembered in the best possible light.

I think this is a common story. The end of a solid interview approaches. You did your research, built rapport, told appropriate stories, and demonstrated knowledge of the organization. All lights look green. But then, the interviewer asks, “So. What other questions can I answer before we wrap up?” And… you got nothing.

This question seems a natural one to ask, but it is waaay problematic (recruiters, please take note), because there is no obvious correct response. This is the conversation’s denouement, and the candidate wants it to be stellar, but the meat of the interview has already happened. There is not time to bring up a new topic, and if the interviewer has done a good job, the next steps are already known. So, slightly trapped, lowly candidates stumble forward with a perfunctory question about corporate culture or even worse, something like, “no, I think I am good.” Did the lights in here just get dimmer?

With respect to corporate culture questions, let me say simply, this is not the time. Your job in an interview – especially during the early stages – is to convince this decision maker that you kick ass and should be introduced to the next decision maker. The last 30 seconds of an interview is not the time to start a conversation about pajama pants as a business casual alternative, your appreciation of afternoon naps, or the importance of dog kibble in the break room! What you value in culture and what the company offers is a longer discussion and needs to be withheld until an offer is close. Besides, a picture will take shape as you meet and get to know the different managers along the way.

But “Nope” is not a winning strategy either. It’s the baseball equivalent to striking out shopping. It’s a fastball down the middle, and you aren’t even swinging! This is your chance to turn the tables, impress, and end the interview strongly. Be prepared. Swing the bat. Come on, swing the bat!

Having put a lot of thought into this, I have come up with two interesting and successful reponses. The first will take an already great interview to the next level but should be avoided if the tenor is unclear. The second one – well the second one is just money. Many times they can be used together.

Question number one is “how did I do?” Yup, it’s that easy. This is a winner for a couple of reasons. Assuming you already know the answer is “great!” (again, don’t ask it if you are not sure) the interviewer will likely toss you an attaboy (yay!), BUT (and here is where the hidden gems lie) they may also point out pink flags that, in your enthusiasm, you missed. Here is an example. One interviewer recently told me that she paused when I said it is important to understand the situation before pressing for change. She didn’t disagree – just paused. That is valuable nuance and showed me that the company culture embraced moving fast over excessive caution. I adjusted and emphasized my comfort with risk taking in the interviews that followed. Super useful.

The second reason I love this question is it displays vulnerability in a confident way. If you have been reading my posts, you know I preach vulnerability as power – and this one puts you out there at the end of the limb proudly unafraid of falling. People are attracted to confidence.

Question number two is simply “what did you like?” or put less succinctly, “What answer did I provide today that you think will resonate with the people with whom I speak next?”

Awkward number of prepositions aside, this is a great question. So great in fact, that the recruiter may stop the discussion to tell you – that is such a great question! It encourages them to replay the interview in their head and identify their favorite things. Then they put your best ideas into their own words – cementing them as the interview closes. It’s also likely the thought to be shared with the first person who asks, “say, how did that candidate interview go today?”

And there you are. Now you are always prepared for that dreaded final question.  Experiment, make them your own, deliver them with a smile in your voice, and signal you are prepared for an honest answer. Finally, stay frickin’ positive and remember that you are awesome. Looking for a job is your job. It’s kind of a shitty job, but it pays well if you remember that time is money. Invest that time in yourself and your family. Get healthy. Read more books. Do your chores. Love your kids. And remember that displaying vulnerability encourages people to invest in you.

#opentowork #projectmanager #seniorprojectmanager #projectmanagement #buinesstransformation #chieftransformationofficer #jobinterviews #hiringandpromotion #gethired #jobsearch #jobsearching #jobseekers #corporateculture #leadership

When Blind applications work (blind applications never work) (3/5)

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In my last well-read post talked about how LinkedIn makes it easy to find and apply for open positions, sharpen resumes, and remain competitive. It may have sounded like an advertisement for LinkedIn. It was not. It was only half the story and these tools, for all their strengths and importance, will not lead to an interview or land a job. In today’s post I will describe the situation from the other side of the table – that of the recruiting manager.

Those same tools that make it easier for a searcher to pursue opportunities make it harder for an internal recruiter to do their job. A decade ago, a gate keeper would receive a few dozen (tops!) resumes for every open position. Some would be better than others, and the best ones would likely include a recommendation from a trusted colleague. Now recruiters are receiving hundreds of applications, most containing the right skills, industry experience, and polished wordsmithery. They are all good and kind of the same. As a result, many or most applications are never viewed by human eyes.

I am applying for senior manager positions and am a competitive candidate. I have great schools, interesting job experience, and a well written CV (if you disagree, please tell me!). When I first started my search, I blindly applied for hundreds of LI positions without a single request for a phone interview. Most never even merited a “no thanks.”

Note: I am using the term “blind application” to refer to an application sent through LinkedIn without a personal connection to the hiring manager or internal recruiter. In other words, I followed the “Apply Now” path to its completion and did not take addional steps to engage the company.

So what happened? Was it ageism? Tight purse strings? A system gamed against candidates? I tested these ideas by mixing things up. I tried loosening my salary expectations and metaphorically changing my hair color. I tried customizing my resume and writing cover letters. The results were the same. The evidence is not that bias is at play, but that recruiters are not looking at or responding to individual applications.

My frustrated peers recount similar stories. The market for senior managers with technology backgrounds is tough right now, and applying for unearthed positions on LinkedIn can feel like spinning tires. This is not the fault of hiring companies. They understand the cost for senior people and do not post roles for senior managers hoping to fill them with cheaper juniors. Nor is it the fault of hiring managers. With so many strong and similar applicants, they can’t look at individual applications and must rely on other methods for selecting differentiated candidates. And finally, it is not the fault of LinkedIn. LinkedIn provides great tools for both parties – even if those tools can further complicate the process.

In my next post, I will discuss strategies for leveraging these drawbacks to get past the gate keepers. In the meantime, keep working hard and don’t take any of this personally. To bastardize the words of Sgt. Phil Esterhaus from Hill Street Blues, “Let’s stay positive out there.”

I read in colors …

Curt Conklin2 Comments

I am a synesthete, and I read in colors. There are many different types of synesthetes, all processing language through different parts of the brain. I process words through the color portion of my brain, specifically called grapheme–color synesthesia. For me every consonant has a different and unique color. Vowels do not have color, and are on the black/white spectrum instead – with the exception of U and Y which are almond and yellow respectively.

So when I experience a word, or more interestingly a name, I visualize a Pantone palette – a series of uniform shapes each with its own color side-by-side. But because the visualization is momentary, the color is blended into a single spectral entity, very much like many letters forming a single word.

For example, my name, C U R T, corresponds to red, almond, purple, orange, and visualizes like a campfire. I met a woman this morning named Jenna, whose name visualizes like a flowery meadow on a dry summer day: goldenrod, light gray, granny smith green, granny smith green, white. The colors don’t really have names in my brain, but for the sake of this explanation, I am using the familiar names from the Crayola 64 box that most people understand.

My name is a campfire. Message me if you want to know what yours is.

Now both CURT and JENNA would appear differently in the mind of another color synesthete. I see a C as red and J as goldenrod, but someone else with the same condition would have developed different patterns and might see a C as purple and J as green – or any other combination. Furthermore, I have yet to find documentation that anyone else breaks the nouns off the color wheel like I do.

But why?

A search of my memory offers few clues. I remember that it was important to me as a child. It probably goes back as far as my first words or exposure to Sesame Street (weren’t the letters on Sesame Street always colored?). It wasn’t something that I talked about with my teachers or that I assumed I did differently than my peers. It was just the color of the letters. Duh.

I can only speculate. I was a very good drawer as a child and would prefer crayons and Legos over a ball or a squirt gun. Maybe a connection? Or perhaps, I suffered from some sort of dyslexia, and this was my learning mind’s method of compensation (I am inexplicably incapable of telling my right from my left). But whatever the reason, I am now aware that this is the way I learned, and it does make me unique.

As the years passed, and I became a strong reader, this was no longer needed and forgotten. It wasn’t until I was at Northwestern’s Kellogg School of Management in the early 2000s that I told someone about it for the first time. I remember we were socializing, probably over beers. I brought it up as something mildly interesting that I had lost from my childhood.

The next time we were together, one of the women from that conversation, pulled me aside and said, “dude, that’s a thing!” I was stunned that it was documented and even had a name. I had never had a conversation with anyone about it. But as soon as it returned to my consciousness, all those colors started to light up again. Today, they are as bright and consistent as they were when I was in grammar school. It’s also a great party trick!

But still why?

My takeaway is that for all the ways we can imagine our fellow humans are similar, there are even more ways that we are different including some that we have yet to imagine. I keep this in mind as I ask my teammates to learn new things. Each has the potential to get there even if they all take their own unique path.

If you would like to know what your name looks like to me, send me a message with your first name and I will get back to you.

When Water Cooler Chat goes Wrong

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Complaining is not the same as being productive

One message I have always been careful to deliver to my employees is that complaining about work is not the same as being productive at work. One might find, with a group of like-minded colleagues, a willing audience to discuss things that could be improved. We have all worked someplace where we have encountered bureaucratic headaches, difficult team-members, unfulfilling career paths, and perceived lack of executive vision. Talking about these things can feel encouraging and allow one to walk away feeling like something has gotten done. But it is important to remember that in truth, nothing has been done. The discussion may feel good, but it is not the same as implementing a solution, increasing revenue, or decreasing costs. 

Worse yet, when employees feel that this behavior is productive, they tend to do it more and encourage it in others. This increases the amount of complaining, decreases the amount of work accomplished, and results in a downward spiral of productivity and ultimately morale.

 It is a manager’s job to prevent this from happening. The first thing one can do is promote an open-door policy. That is to say that the door is always open to criticism, ideas for improvement, and career concerns. Transparency is always a positive thing, and very often ideas are spot on and come with justifications that can help raise them up the flagpole. Secondly, it is important to remind employees that complaining about things to other employees before they have been elevated to those who can act upon them is not only unproductive, but it is unacceptable. This may sound harsh, but it is not. Every company has the responsibility to control its own culture. Organizations have the same right to forbid employer-focused complaining as they do to prevent sexually harassing speech.

But that authority does not have to lead to an authoritarian relationship. When employees know that the things that bug them, the things they want to improve, and their ideas for a better workplace are landing on the welcome ears of an interested manager, the need to complain at the water cooler will be naturally mitigated. 

Getting the Most Out of Your Sales Team (4 of 4)

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Putting what we can control into practice

In this series, we have been talking about getting the most out of your sales team by establishing common goals, directing all things that have an impact in the same direction, and holding everyone accountable. In this segment, I am going to list how these tools can be used on a daily and weekly basis to affect behavior in the desired direction. These are just examples, and you should riff on them in your own way. The important thing is to remain consistent in communication and action. If there is a shared goal out there, do everything in your power to make it known and to get your team to reach it. Oh, and you haven’t established your shared goal, then you aren’t doing your job.

All guns pointed in the same direction will get the job done.
  • Clearly define and publish the company objective – the shared common goal.
  • Management needs to talk about the shared objective at every opportunity.
  • Set expectations that individual effort on this goal is expected every week
  • In weekly sales meeting, openly ask each salesperson if they have made progress and expect a “yes”
  • Be prepared to set activity quotas around the goal
  • Recognize that sometimes salespersons are going to make up stuff to fulfill the request – and that’s OK. Everyone recognizes BS when they hear it, and that awkwardness that follows is an incentive to try harder next week. But no one will know if the question isn’t asked. So, ask the questions and suffer the awkward.
  • Establish honest dialog with everyone regarding the quality of their efforts – call BS when appropriate.
  • Kindly draw attention to failings and work with the individual to avoid them in the future
  • Congratulate BDMs who find great new prospects early
  • Ask the successful BDMs to share how they are succeeding and use that to train
  • Make sure all obstacles to this goal are being removed – remove friction from the sales process. If the salesman’s credo is ABC, the sales manager’s is ABRF (always be removing friction).
  • Make sure responsibility comes with authority. Empower your salespeople to negotiate on their own. Ensure they know the product and pricing parameters. It is often good for a process to say, “I have gone as low as I can, but I want to make this work so let me see if I can get my manager on board.” But it is bad for the process when the client feels the salesperson doesn’t have the authority to negotiate to a close. It’s a subtle difference.
  • Purchase the tools they need to allow them to hit their objectives. If you have a lot of SKUs, purchase and configure a pricing tool from your CRM provider (back to ABRF). If your team need leads, research lead sources, and buy the list most likely to bear fruit.
  • Let them control their method, but always be available to assist
  • Hold them accountable
  • Help your sales team expand their network. There are always more prospective clients to meet. Let them use your person network, or encourage them to join new clubs, groups, or join a charity board.

And everything else you can think of! When shared objectives are clear, identifying ROI on an investment that furthers that goal is an easy task. Spend what you need, support your team, hold them accountable, and keep all the guns pointed in the same direction. If the shared goal is achievable, this is the best, fastest, and most positive way to reach it.

Knowing is not enough, we must apply.
Willing is not enough, we must do.

Bruce Lee

I hope you have enjoyed this post. Make sure you read the ones that accompany it, and please use the comments to tell me what you think or to share your experiences.

Getting the Most Out of Your Sales Team (3 of 4)

Curt Conklin1 Comment

Understand what is not in your control

In this series, we have been talking about getting the most out of your sales team by directing all things that have an impact in the same direction. But it is also important to know what is not in our control and not waste energy or sleep over it. Broadly speaking, things outside of our control, belong internally to a person and are developed and influenced outside of the organization. Here are my top five.

When things are outside of your control, accept it and work around them.
  • Feelings: Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. Some people are more susceptible than others to outside stimulus, but there is no standard. You as a manager should not worry whether a team member is happy, sad, angry or remorseful. Your job is to deliver information honestly and treat them fairly. Furthermore, sometimes people are not happy in general. That doesn’t mean they can’t be a great at sales. A top producer can be going through a divorce and still be excellent at opening doors and closing. As managers, we want everyone on our team to find their happiness, but that is out of our control and not something to worry about.
  • Productivity: Some folks are super productive, and some aren’t. You will always have a spectrum on your team. Productivity tools may improve everyone’s performance, but they will not eliminate the gap between the most and least productive. As they say, a rising tide raises all boats.
  • Motivation: As with productivity, some people are motivated, and some aren’t. Sometimes motivated people go through periods when they are not motivated. You never know what is going on in a team members head. What you do know however is that if you are honest with them, set their goals fairly, and give them eth tools they need, they will get there or suffer the consequences.
  • Philosophy: As I mentioned above, you can’t get into your team members’ heads, and you certainly can’t change what’s there. So don’t even try. You can lead by example, you can make sure they have what they need, but the way they think about sales is up to them.
  • The ability to mind read: Manager’s simply cannot hold people accountable for things that are not articulated clearly. If you aren’t getting what you want, ask yourself if your requests have been delivered in precise, honest language.

An important note: The one-time sales managers do have control over these things is during the hiring process. In an interview we can search for those who think the way we want and pass on those who think differently. So, make sure you identify the traits you value and craft interview questions that will shed light on personality traits important to you and your organization. This is a good time to review your company’s Core Values.

I hope you have enjoyed this post. Make sure you read the ones that accompany it, and please use the comments to tell me what you think or to share your experiences. In tomorrow’s post, the final in this series, I will share examples of putting all these tools into practice.

Getting the Most Out of Your Sales Team (2 of 4)

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Core values are the most powerful tools in your belt

In this series, we are talking about getting the most out of your sales team by establishing common goals, pointing all things that have an impact in the same direction, and holding everyone accountable. But when we talk about everything pointing in the same direction, a few of the things in our control have special significance. These are your most powerful tools.

Shared goals. They can take many forms including account growth, retention, speed of closing, and new business development. I liken these to the Eiffel tower, a destination in the distance that we can always lift our head up and see to ensure we are heading in the right direction. But they are also powerful motivating tools. We all know that sales guys are competitive and will strive to maximize their performance. However, what makes a professional athlete happier, achieving his personal best or winning the championship. Andre Dawson won the MVP in 1989 while playing for the last place Cubs, but he would trade that award for a World Series Ring in a heartbeat. Fortunately, being part of a team chasing a shared objective allows individuals to follow their personal interest and participate in the excitement of team victories.

Honesty as a Core Value. When you are not honest with your staff, they know immediately, and they create a narrative as to why you are lying. These explanations often veer towards the extreme and lead to speculation about impending lay-offs, interpersonal affairs or loathing, or illegal activities. Always answer honestly, and if there is something that is proprietary to the executive team, just say that isn’t something we are talking about right now if asked.

Consistency. Advancing from a manager to a leader is hard and one of the things it requires is consistency of message. All the things I talked about yesterday (concepts) and will talk about on Friday (examples) need to be done every day – and many times every day. If there is a shared common goal (and there always should be), it should lead and end every discussion you have with your team. You will hold your people accountable if you want to succeed, but you will also do it all the time – privately and in front of the team. Everyone must know that what you expect of them is the same thing they can expect of their peers.

I am a big fan of Core Values having experienced how powerful they are when brought to a team that was working without them and over time I may add to this list.

I hope you have enjoyed this post. Make sure you read the ones that accompany it, and please use the comments to tell me what you think or to share your experiences. In tomorrow’s post, I will talk about the pitfalls managers encounter when they try to control things over which they haven’t any power.

Getting the Most Out of Your Sales Team (1 of 4)

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Pointing all your guns in the same direction

Getting the most out of a sales team can be a struggle. Even the best salespeople struggle to open doors even when qualified leads are presented. And management teams know that successfully incenting behavioral changes can be an elusive goal. Still some teams seem to get it right, and those that do almost always follow the same two simple principles.

When I talk about guns, i am doing so metaphorically. Still, this image is cool.
  • They ensure that BDMs have all the tools required to be successful
  • They hold each salesperson responsible for the achievement of assigned goals

We all understand the concept of accountability, even if sometimes we have a hard time delivering on it. But what on earth is “tools required”? It’s more than a CRM, or an targeted comp structure but those things are on the list. The actual list of tools required is EVERYTHING we, as managers, have at our disposal to influence behavior in a desired direction. And when all are lined up, behavior is guided salespersons are better prepared, and holding people accountable becomes much easier.

What is in our control?

The list of everything can be long, but here is the top dozen:

  • Shared Common Goals – the single most powerful tool at a manager’s disposal. More on this later.
  • Compensation – a program which favors the behavior we desire and penalizes all others.
  • Incentives – perks which support the behavior we desire in a nonmonetary way.
  • Reprimands – pointing out (privately for god’s sake) when an employee does not live up to expectations.
  • Culture – one that is psychologically safe and encourages sharing and ideation. It is the size of the pie that matters, not the size of the slice! When the pie grows, everyone’s slice can grow also.
  • Training – Ensuring the team has all the skills needed to hit their goals.
  • Process – process removes confusion from sales and allows greater focus on the relationship.
  • Tools – CRMs, Pricing tools, technology, fashion consultants – whatever they need to maximize their efficiency and eliminate friction.
  • Performance measurement – count everything and show it over time and relative to success.
  • Core values – This is 50% of why people stay or leave. The trinity of Trust, Honesty, and Accountability is a good start. More on this tomorrow.
  • Reinforcement – When someone does a great job, let it be known!
  • Expectations – Salespeople will pursue exactly the goals they are given. When management is clear and desired numbers are written, incentives align.

If the world wants the product you sell, and all guns are pointing in the same direction, the team will hit its target.

I hope you have enjoyed this post. Make sure you read the ones that accompany it, and please use the comments to tell me what you think or to share your experiences. In tomorrow’s post, I will talk about a couple of the items on this list that have significant power.

Find Your Not Audience

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They say that embarrassment requires an audience. And it’s true. If no one sees something there is no reason to feel embarrassed about it. We can all re-imagine the horror of tripping in the lunchroom, tray aflying – even if we never actually did it. But envision the same thing happening alone at home. It may be frustrating and an ugly mess, but it is not embarrassing.

Now imagine – in either case – someone rushing to your assistance. Someone who helps you up and makes sure the mess is righted. A friend who knows you so well, that their reaction is compassion not schadenfreude. Someone who knows this shit happens to everyone but genuinely feels bad that it happened to you this time. 

We need these people. We need friends with whom we can share everything. Not just the awesome, but also the awful, ridiculous, and gross. These are the people who can see us stumble and not illicit our embarrassment. These are the Not Audience.

Our not audiences can help us when we set ourselves on a difficult life journey. If we need to lose weight, go through rehab, kick an illness, or mourn a loved one, having a not audience can make the difference between getting it done and failing. We don’t just tell these people about all the awful shit we are dealing with. They make us feel stronger for having shared it. they remove the obstacles in their control. They lend their ears, their arms, and their shoulders so that we may struggle through, be stronger, and succeed.

Tasks in life are often too big for one person. Our need for help can not be undone by our fear of being embarrassed. That is why we need our not audience.